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The Gift of Fear and Other Survival Signals that Protect Us From Violence, by Gavin de Becker
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True fear is a gift. Unwarranted fear is a curse. Learn how to tell the difference.
A date won't take "no" for an answer. The new nanny gives a mother an uneasy feeling. A stranger in a deserted parking lot offers unsolicited help. The threat of violence surrounds us every day. But we can protect ourselves, by learning to trust—and act on—our gut instincts.
In this empowering book, Gavin de Becker, the man Oprah Winfrey calls the nation's leading expert on violent behavior, shows you how to spot even subtle signs of danger—before it's too late. Shattering the myth that most violent acts are unpredictable, de Becker, whose clients include top Hollywood stars and government agencies, offers specific ways to protect yourself and those you love, including...how to act when approached by a stranger...when you should fear someone close to you...what to do if you are being stalked...how to uncover the source of anonymous threats or phone calls...the biggest mistake you can make with a threatening person...and more. Learn to spot the danger signals others miss. It might just save your life.
- Sales Rank: #1735 in Books
- Color: Blue
- Brand: Dell
- Published on: 1999-05-11
- Released on: 1999-05-11
- Original language: English
- Number of items: 1
- Dimensions: 7.99" h x 1.01" w x 5.24" l, .75 pounds
- Binding: Paperback
- 384 pages
Features
Amazon.com Review
Each hour, 75 women are raped in the United States, and every few seconds, a woman is beaten. Each day, 400 Americans suffer shooting injuries, and another 1,100 face criminals armed with guns. Author Gavin de Becker says victims of violent behavior usually feel a sense of fear before any threat or violence takes place. They may distrust the fear, or it may impel them to some action that saves their lives. A leading expert on predicting violent behavior, de Becker believes we can all learn to recognize these signals of the "universal code of violence," and use them as tools to help us survive. The book teaches how to identify the warning signals of a potential attacker and recommends strategies for dealing with the problem before it becomes life threatening. The case studies are gripping and suspenseful, and include tactics for dealing with similar situations.
People don't just "snap" and become violent, says de Becker, whose clients include federal government agencies, celebrities, police departments, and shelters for battered women. "There is a process as observable, and often as predictable, as water coming to a boil." Learning to predict violence is the cornerstone to preventing it. De Becker is a master of the psychology of violence, and his advice may save your life. --Joan Price A Q&A with Gavin de Becker
Question: In today’s world, where terror and tragedy seem omnipresent, the fear of violence never seems more heightened. Is the world a more violent place than it ever has been?
Gavin de Becker : Your question contains much of the answer: today’s world, "where terror and tragedy seem omnipresent..." The key word is "seem." When TV news coverage presents so much on these topics, it elevates the perception of terrorism and tragedy way beyond the reality. In every major city, TV news creates forty hours of original production every day, most of it composed and presented to get our attention with fear. Hence an incident on an airplane in which a man fails to do any damage is treated as if the make-shift bomb actually exploded. It didn’t. Imagine having a near miss in your car, avoiding what would have been a serious collision--and then talking about every hour for months after the fact. Welcome to TV news.
To the second part of your question, No, the world is not a more violent place than it has ever been, however we live as if it were. The U.S. is the most powerful nation in world history--and also the most afraid.
Question: Your bestselling book The Gift of Fear gives many examples to help readers recognize what you call pre-incident indicators (PINS) of violence. What role does intuition play in recognizing these signals?
Gavin de Becker: Like every creature on earth, we have an extraordinary defense resource: We don’t have the sharpest claws and strongest jaws--but we do have the biggest brains, and intuition is the most impressive process of these brains. It might be hard to accept its importance because intuition is often described as emotional, unreasonable, or inexplicable. Husbands chide their wives about "feminine intuition" and don’t take it seriously. If intuition is used by a woman to explain some choice she made or a concern she can’t let go of, men roll their eyes and write it off. We much prefer logic, the grounded, explainable, unemotional thought process that ends in a supportable conclusion. In fact, Americans worship logic, even when it’s wrong, and deny intuition, even when it’s right. Men, of course, have their own version of intuition, not so light and inconsequential, they tell themselves, as that feminine stuff. Theirs is more viscerally named a "gut feeling," but whatever name we use, it isn’t just a feeling. It is a process more extraordinary and ultimately more logical in the natural order than the most fantastic computer calculation. It is our most complex cognitive process and, at the same time, the simplest.
Intuition connects us to the natural world and to our nature. It carries us to predictions we will later marvel at. "Somehow I knew," we will say about the chance meeting we predicted, or about the unexpected phone call from a distant friend, or the unlikely turnaround in someone’s behavior, or about the violence we steered clear of, or, too often, the violence we elected not to steer clear of. The Gift of Fear offers strategies that help us recognize the signals of intuition--and helps us avoid denial, which is the enemy of safety.
Question: Your latest book, Just 2 Seconds, has been called a "masterpiece" of analysis on the art of preventing assassination. It contains an entire compendium of attacks on protected persons across the globe. What motivated you to put together such a definitive reference? What tenets can be applied to one’s everyday life?
Gavin de Becker: Most of all, we wrote the book we needed. My co-authors and I had long looked for an extensive collection of attack summaries from which important new insights could be harvested. Unable to find it, we committed to do the work ourselves, eventually collecting more than 1400 cases to analyze. Many new insights and concepts emerged from the study, and the one most applicable to day to day life, even for people who are not living with unusual risks, is to be in the present; pre-sent, as it were. Now is the only time anything ever happens--now is where the action is. All focus on anything outside the Now (the past, memory, the future, fantasy) detracts focus from what’s actually happening in your environment. Human being have the capacity to look right at something and not see it, and in studying such a crisp event--the few seconds during which assassinations have occurred--Just 2 Seconds aims to enhance the reader’s ability to see the value of the present moment.
(Photo � Avery Helm)
From Library Journal
Perhaps we have a bad feeling about someone we've just met, or a little gnawing perception that a situation just doesn't "feel right," or perhaps even a fear that a co-worker might do something harmful. What de Becker, renowned expert on violent behavior, explains here is that instead of shrugging off these fears, we need to listen to them, see why we're having them, and act accordingly. Far from being silly intuitions, often these can truly show when something is wrong and violence might be imminent; if listened to, along with information about how violent people behave, these feelings might protect us from harm. Using examples from cases on which he's worked and even from his own childhood of domestic violence de Becker shows how instinct, and knowledge, can warn us of impending violence, whether by stalkers, family members, predators, or people in the workplace. Expertly read by Tom Stechschulte, the book gives sound information (e.g., a detailed listing of behaviors predators use to ensnare victims) in a way that should be helpful to all listeners. Indeed, one of the best parts of this audio version is an epilog, going over some of the letters the author has received since the book's original publication in 1997, which tell, in gripping stories, just how great a gift one's intuition, and knowing how to use it, can be. Very highly recommended for all audio collections. Sally G. Waters, Stetson Law Lib., St. Petersburg, FL
Copyright 2001 Reed Business Information, Inc.
From Booklist
De Becker, a national expert on the prediction and management of violence, thinks most people are great victims because they ignore their fears and survival signals. His frighteningly simple advice will come as no surprise to women: use your intuition. De Becker believes every crime has a warning and a motive and that the code of predictable violence can be broken by trusting the phenomenon that he defines as "knowing without knowing why." If people believe in and are alert to the possibility of danger, they can reduce their risks and save themselves. Written with consummate style, the book recounts the motives, warning signals, and defenses against wife beaters, stalkers, assassins, enraged employees, and violent children. De Becker's experience as a presidential adviser, consultant, expert witness, trainer, and designer of a system that evaluates threats to Supreme Court justices should convince readers to trust the involuntary certainty of fear over the voluntary uncertainty of anxiety when confronted by those to whom senseless acts make perfect sense. Patricia Hassler
Most helpful customer reviews
177 of 190 people found the following review helpful.
Better than the book
By G. Lawton
I found this 2 tape set, narrated by the author, to be superior in many respects to the longer book. First, given the limited time available, the points made about crime avoidance are reduced to their essential elements. Second, the author is a convincing narrator, who brings passion and the abhorence of violent crime to his subject. In particular, the author's narration of the crime described in the opening pages of the book, and the victim's instinctive reliance on the "gift of fear" which saves her life, is riveting. While the book is worthy of a careful read, the taped version is an excellent condensation. Buy it, if not for yourself, for your sons, daughters, cousins, nieces, and nephews.
2 of 2 people found the following review helpful.
An absolute timeless must read for everyone concerned about personal safety & wellbeing
By Linda
I first read this book two decades ago and it literally changed my life for the better. It provided me with insight as to why I was attracting negativity into my life, and made me realize the mistakes & behavioral choices I was making that made me a vulnerable target in my twenties. An absolute must read for those wanting to increase their knowledge of personal safety and situational awareness. Learn how to be proactive and not reactive to conditions that can affect not only your personal wellbeing, but that of your family and loved ones as well. Personal safety is a lifestyle & only we as individuals can protect ourselves 100% of the time. Empower yourself!
2 of 2 people found the following review helpful.
Read the printed version not the Kindle edition
By Johnny
This review is specifically for the Kindle edition. While the message is clear and very good the format is very poor. I give the book itself four to five stars but because of all the errors in the book whether they be grammar, spelling, or word repeat/missing the information can become slightly confusing. I'm not talking about simple errors here and there that can be expected. There are frequent and obvious mistakes riddled on almost every other page. That being said, the book itself is still interesting and enlightening and I would still recommend it to friends.
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